birth clubs and other online mommy groups

Before I was even pregnant, when we first started trying to conceive, I found myself visiting all of the mommy-focused websites out there… Babycenter, Kaboose, Babytalk, and American Baby to name a few. I absorbed as much info as I could about trying to conceive, the earliest signs of pregnancy, tips for a healthy pregnancy, preparing for baby and so on. I frequented the community areas, joining in on forums and conversations. When I actually finally got pregnant, my participation increased threefold. I joined a “birth club” on Babycenter, and connected with other women who were due around the same time as me. We chatted daily, sharing our fears, concerns, hopes and dreams. We supported and learned from each other. It gave us a forum to ask questions that we might not have anyone else to ask. Some posts dealt with heavier subjects such as genetic screenings and the fear of receiving negative results, or the news of a late term miscarriage. Others were more lighthearted and led to debates regarding breast or bottle, cloth diaper or disposable. Through some we learned things about pregnancy and labor that no one had every told us before… like the fact that pooping on the table during labor is actually a common occurrence (oh my god the horror!).

For many women, these types of online groups provided a great sense of community and support. They are a go-to resource for the 40 weeks of pregnancy and often times continue on into motherhood. My Babycenter “birth club” still connects daily. Posts now tend to focus on developmental milestones and the issues that we face as new moms.

While I am so thankful to have had and have the group for support, I do think that there is a potential negative effect of all of the connecting we are doing nowadays in this new world of digital moms. There are many many things I have learned through my different connections online. It is true that for the most part knowledge is power, but there is also some validity to the notion that ignorance is bliss. While the web allowed me to go through pregnancy and enter motherhood armed with knowledge that I would not have otherwise had, it has also at times caused me to worry unnecessarily and obsess over things that, without it, I would never even thought of. I read post after post about women going into early labor and grew convinced that the same thing would happen to me. Other women would comment about how much they were feeling their baby move inside them, while I was still feeling nothing. Was my baby ok? What did this mean? People shared stories about mothers they knew who had a baby die of SIDS. I quickly removed all blankets and bumpers from our son’s crib and lectured my mother and mother-in-law about the importance of sleep safety. When BPA became a hot topic, I quickly went out and bought all new bottles. The amount of times that a story/posting that I read online drove me to either make or change a decision regarding my little one are countless.

separation anxiety

I am a working mom, so (although it is not my favorite thing in the world) my little guy goes to daycare. He is with either my parents or my in-laws two days a week, but then goes to an actual daycare for three. I love love love his daycare. He was going to a different place when I first returned to work, but we since changed…. And could not be happier. It is a small private program, that some might describe as a little crunchy. They focus on a creative curriculum (which still baffles me considering he is only 10 months old) and spend a good deal of the day outside in the play area or veggie garden. He comes home dirty just as a little boy should… not dirty as in unclean, but dirty as in he has been play play playing all day long.

Most mornings when I drop him off the routine stays fairly consistent… one of the morning caregivers scoop him out of my arms upon arrival (they just can’t get enough of his cheeks!) and take him to play as I sign him in and chat briefly with the other girls on staff. I then give him a big kiss goodbye, he gives me the “you can totally leave because I am having a good time with my friends" look, and I head on my way. Well, not this morning. After I gave him a kiss on his head, his eyes began to well up and before I knew it he was in full on tears. My first instinct was to scoop him into my arms and walk right out the door with him. Somehow I was able to hold back, realizing that this was his first demonstration of separation anxiety. One of the girls picked him and took him to another area to play, trying to distract him as I walked out the door. It took all my strength to leave him for the day. I cried a bit on my way to work, but found comfort in the fact that he was upset because I was leaving… me… his mom. It feels good to know that he feels the connection just as strongly as I do.

Man, I love my little guy… I can’t wait to be pick him up in an hour and give him the biggest hug in the world!!

the greatest blessing

Last night was a long night with our little guy. He has a third tooth coming in up top and the pain has made him quite miserable. He awoke at 3am and wanted to be held and cuddled. Finally after about two hours of holding him, he fell back asleep. As I sat with him for those two hours in the rocker in his nursery, with the dim light from his nightlight barely illuminating the room, I found myself welling up. The tears were not those of frustration or exhaustion, but rather those of pure joy. With him snuggled closely into me, I reflected on what a true blessing he is in my life and the magnitude of the love that I feel for him. Before becoming a mom myself, I never fully understood the depths to which a mother’s love for her child goes. It is a feeling unlike any other. Our children are our greatest blessing and gift from God. As you hold your little ones close, cherish all that they are and all that they have brought into your life. Make the hug last a little longer and enjoy the quiet closeness.

best is what's best for you

In the months leading up to our little guy’s birth, the question “are you going to breast feed?” came up quite frequently. Surprisingly, it wasn’t just docs or my mom who did the asking… but rather what seemed like anyone and everyone. I had read all the baby books, so I knew “breast is best”, that you “should” nurse until a year, that you should not supplement with formula, that bottles and pacifiers could cause “nipple confusion”, etc, etc. Choosing to breast feed was not really a decision for me… I just kind of always knew I would do it. As with most mothers, the thought of it before baby was completely bizarre, but regardless I planned on giving it a go. Andrew latched right on after birth and my milk came in just fine. I was one of the lucky ones, for whom breast feeding came really easy. The first few weeks went great. I enjoyed the extra quiet time we got to spend together and secretly loved knowing that only I could nourish him.

As the weeks passed, I started to feel trapped… I needed to be able to get out and get a little time for myself. I needed to be able to get out for dinner with my husband. So, I did what all good breast feeding mamas are supposed to do… I got a pump. From day one, I hated pumping… actually, I despised pumping. It is hard not to feel like a cow when you have a machine extracting milk from you… ugh. I could not stand it. While breast feeding had gone really well for me, pumping did not. I could barely get any milk and the whole process of freezing it in baggies was just too much for me. Also, because I obviously had to be pumping in between feedings, I could not help but feel like I was either nursing or pumping around the clock. I just could not do it. So I made the difficult decision to… gasp… supplement with formula. It was the best decision I ever made. It allowed my husband to be involved in feedings, and gave me the opportunity for a little “me time” when I needed it.

All said and done, I breast fed exclusively for about 2-months, then slowly began supplementing with formula, and completely switched from breast to bottle by 4-months. In the eyes of the La Leche League or the other hard core breast feeding coalitions out there, I guess maybe I was a failure. I could care less. I feel like a success. I gave it a shot, and it was a great for a while. I then made a change that was great for baby and me.

In a recent issue of BabyTalk, author Paul Spencer shares her take on breast feeding in, The New Breast Feeding Rules. Her piece is light-hearted and realistic. I think it is a great read for any new mommies out there.

animoto

Like most first-time parents out there, we have documented nearly every stage of our little guy’s 9-months. By this point I am sure we have bored all of our family and friends with the endless stream of e-mails announcing a new album on our photo sharing site. Today I came across Animoto (http://www.animoto.com), a fantastic site that allows you to create free (yes, FREE!) 30-second video montages, complete with music, from your favorite pics. The process is as simple as uploading your photos and choosing your music (from either your own personal collections or their library of 100’s of songs). Animoto then works their magic in putting the video together and sends the link to your personal email. The video can be shared via email or posted on Facebook. At least now our family members and friends will be bombarded with actual videos, as opposed to just our static photos.

the must haves and the completely unnecessary: some tips for expectant mothers

As a first-time expectant mother the idea of registering is exciting... yay stuff! Cute little baby stuff! Then you actually get to Babies R' Us and you quickly go from excited and enthusiastic, to overwhelmed and confused. Your more experienced friend, who has agreed to show you the ropes and tell you what you “really really” need, drags you from aisle to aisle talking about bouncers, diaper pails, breast pumps and wipe warmers. What you thought would be a fun hour spent zapping away with the scan gun, turns into a three hour ordeal and leaves you feeling even more unprepared for your coming bundle of joy. If I don’t even know what I need for this baby, how am I going to know what to do for it? You survive the registering adventure only to make daily changes to the registry online after reading countless reviews and customer ratings.

I will not claim to be the all-knowing expert on everything required to be “ready” for baby. However, in the 9-months since my little man arrived, I have found that there are some baby products that you absolutely cannot live without when you first bring baby home and others that are completely unnecessary:

The Must Haves…
· Plenty of onesies and sleepers – both newborn and one size up, because some babies come out a little bigger than others
· Diapers and wipes to get you started when you come home from the hospital – so your husband avoids a frantic rush to an all-night pharmacy
· Receiving blankets and burp cloths – lots of them
· A comprehensive newborn / infant resource book – you will need something to turn to with middle of the night questions
· A soothing sound machine for baby to sleep to – aaahhh… the comforting sounds of the womb
· An odor minimizing diaper pail – either the Genie or the Champ works, just have something
· A dual-motion swing – the side-to-side and back-and-forth option has helped soothe many a fussy baby (and saved the sanity of their parents)
· A bouncer, ideally with vibration and music – you cannot possibly hold baby all the time in those first months
· A stroller that really is easy to open and close – be sure to practice before bringing baby home and trying to open it with one hand, while holding baby in the other
· An infant car seat with easily adjustable straps – again, practice before baby
· Formula if you plan on bottle feeding
· Bottles and pacifiers (if you plan to use them)
· A first-aid / grooming kit complete with nasal aspirator, thermometer and baby nail-clippers
· Pack n’ Play with changing table that ideally can be set up in whatever room you will be spending the most time in
· An exersaucer or jumper – once baby has good head control they will love being able to be upright to play (plus, it can give mom a few minutes to get something done)

The Unnecessary…
· A wipe warmer – many a baby’s behinds have been wiped with un-warmed wipes, and they are just fine
· Shoes – if you do not yet walk, you do not need shoes
· Fancy outfits – honestly, the simpler the better
· An overabundance of toys – for the first few months, you will be your baby’s favorite entertainment

And for the breast feeding mamas…
· Lansinoh nipple cream – trust me… if you are breastfeeding, you will need it
· Nursing bras at least one size larger than either you or the lady at the bra shop thinks you should get
· A couple of bottles and a small can of formula, just in case